Maintaining Commitment in Your Relationships

How would you define commitment in a particular relationship? Many would say that it springs from a sense of duty. For example, a couple may remain committed to their marriage because of their children or because of a duty they feel toward God. Certainly, such motives are admirable and will help a marriage survive difficult times. But to be happy, marriage mates need to feel more than just a sense of obligation to each other.  To create that sort of bond, a couple must learn to trust each other. Equally important, they need to develop a lifelong friendship. When a man and woman earn each other's trust and work at becoming the best of friends, their commitment to the marriage will grow.

  Commitment, therefore, could be likened to the mortar that binds the bricks of a sturdy house. Mortar is made from a combination of ingredients, including sand, cement, and water. Similarly, commitment is formed from a combination of such factors as duty, trust, and friendship.
 
Commitment requires hard work and self-sacrifice. It demands that you be willing to forgo your own preferences in order to please your mate. However, the concept of yielding to someone else’s wishes—of giving without asking, ‘What’s in it for me?’—has become unpopular with many and even offensive to some.

  But ask yourself, ‘How many selfish people do I know who have a happy marriage?’ Likely the answer is, Few if any. Why? A selfish individual will not likely remain committed to a marriage when personal sacrifice is required, especially when there is no immediate payoff for the small concessions he or she may make. Without commitment, a relationship will sour, no matter how sweet the romantic feelings were when a couple first fell in love.) Unfortunately, even marriage mates who normally are unselfish do not always acknowledge each other’s anxieties or value their mate’s sacrifices. When a couple fail to show appreciation for each other, their marriage is bound to cause them more tribulation  than it would otherwise.

If your marriage is to survive difficult times and to thrive during good times, you need to develop a long-term view of your relationship. How can you develop such an attitude, and how can you encourage your mate to remain committed to you? 

   The way a husband and wife treat each other is very important. A man who honors his wife will be honored in turn. And a woman who respects her husband has  great value in the eyes of  her husband.

Make time for your mate. How important is your marriage to you? Usually, the more important an endeavor, the more time you spend on it. Ask yourself: ‘Over the past month, how much time did I set aside just to spend with my mate? What specific things have I done to reassure my mate that we are still good friends?’ If you invested little or no time in maintaining your marriage, your mate may find it difficult to believe that you are committed to the union.

   When a person engages in sexual intercourse outside of marriage, he or she delivers a devastating blow to the union. However,  wrong desire can exist in the heart long before a person actually engages in the physical act of adultery. Entertaining that wrong desire is in itself a form of betrayal.

  To maintain your commitment to your marriage, make a solemn pledge not to view pornography. Despite what many may say, pornography is poison to a marriage. Note the way one wife expresses her feelings about her husband’s viewing habits: “My husband says that watching pornography spices up our love life. But it just makes me feel that I’m worthless, that I’m not enough for him. I cry myself to sleep when he watches it.” Would you say that this man is strengthening his commitment to his marriage, or is he undermining it? Do you think that he is making it easier for his wife to remain committed to the marriage? Is he treating her as his closest friend?
 
Apart from avoiding pornography, you need to guard your heart from forming an inappropriate attachment to a member of the opposite sex. True, many feel that flirting with members of the opposite sex does no harm to a marriage. Has your heart fooled you? Ask yourself: ‘To whom am I most attentive—my spouse or some other member of the opposite sex? With whom do I share good news first—my spouse, or someone else? If my spouse asked me to limit my contact with an associate of the opposite sex, how would I react? Would I be resentful, or would I happily make the requested change?’
 
Whether your marriage is stable or strained, your mate needs to know that you are committed to making the marriage a success.

           

Solution To Infidelity

    Needless to say that infidelity is really a serious offense. It is generally believed that individuals ought to split up if one of them has been unfaithful. It doesn't need to be that way if both parties are willing to do what it takes. Restoring trust in relationships isn't simple, but it could be carried out. Here are some suggestions on how to make that happen.
    Restoring trust in relationships requires changes in the actions and attitudes of both individuals within the relationship. Even after something as serious as an affair, a relationship could be restored. The key is to begin with the little amount you believe in each other, and continuing from there.
   The place to start to rescue your relationship is by asking the following questions. What went wrong? Be honest. Is one partner falling out of love? Are things getting too boring? The only way you can fix the problem is by understanding what is causing it.
    For example, what was your partner looking for in the other person by having the affair? Is it something you aren't providing? If you can figure out what seemed to be the cause, you at least have a chance to work on individually and together. Talk about these things. When you are working on saving your relationship, you have to consider remote as well as immediate causes as best you can. Then you can work on it.
     The next step would be to begin really gaining some trust once again. One of the greatest points you are able to do is assume the other individual is being honest. By performing this, you'll get trust in return. Of course, that's simple to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here would be to take little actions. Tell your mate the truth, that if you'll meet at a restaurant, then be there by the agreed time. It doesn't need to be something large, just begin demonstrating your ability to stick to your word.
   More than that, these little actions begin to accumulate and build on each other. But you should keep performing it, and usually do what you say. Excuses will not cut it at this point. Actually, if there is any possibility, any doubt in your mind whatsoever, that you can trust each other, you should keep working on doing the little things to build it.
  Restoring believe in love in relationships isn't a simple task. And also the much more severe the reason for the lack of faith in each other, the harder it is going to be to regain it. Maintain your focus on trust, and keep taking those little actions, and soon you are going to be happy again.
  See a marriage counselor also. Get some help. They can really help you to work out the issues between you. But if you work at it, there are things you can do to restore trust in the relationship.


      

Love And In Love

What is the clear difference between love and in love? Needless to say that love is a very strong emotion. It is going beyond yourself and stretching who you are for someone else. Certainly, loving somebody is not the same as being 'in love' with that person or any other.  Being in love entails seeing someone as you wish they were: to love them is to see who they really are and still care for them. You can 'love' your brother or sister, but you are ‘in love’ with your husband or wife. The feeling of ‘in love’ is connected with romance.

Being in love usually is used in a romantic sense when you meet your significant other transforming a normal relationship into a deeper one without further interest in others.

Love means that you trust the person, would do anything for the person, know that person is with you through thick and thin, isn't afraid to be seen with you, make sure they treat you right.

When you say that you love someone or something, you can even say that you love a particular resort or your dog or even your favorite doll. But when you say you are ‘in love’, it usually conveys the meaning that you have given your heart to someone and think passionately about that person.

When you become a parent, love automatically flows within you, and though you may not be explicit about it, you will feel upset if your baby is upset and this continues for your lifetime. However, being ‘in love’ can also be temporary madness.

When the spouses or partners are in love with each other, then slowly the roots start getting deeper. After the initial years, things season out and the leaves fall, but what is left is the tree – which you discover is one and not two. So when ‘in love’ is burned out, love is left.

When you are ‘in love’ with someone, you feel that your life will fall apart if that person is not there in your life. Your love grows everyday and that person starts having a significant part in your life. You may become dependent on his or her decisions, feel lonely without them or cry when they are not around. However, simply loving someone means that you will protect that person because they mean a lot to you. But your life won’t fall apart if that person is not near you.

One Way Love

  Are you satisfied in the relationship you keep? You're in a relationship but you feel like to break it. You want to be there but something in you tells you to break the relationship. Your relationship can make or break you. Every relationship you keep either moves you towards your cherished dreams or away from them.
Everyone should not be your friend. Friendship is a choice. Choose wisely. If you don't have standard to live by you'll fall to other people's standard. You must rise up and be in charge of your life. Do not allow anyone to manipulate you.
There is a relationship that should be broken while others should be nurtured. There are certain qualities that are undesirable in a relationship if it should be continued. Such a relationship ought to be broken and the may include the following:

DISHONESTY:
If you get intimate with dishonest people, you will learn their ways and before know it, you will be like them. Some people are gifted in telling lies without feeling any remorse. Anyone who cannot be honest in his/her dealings with you who require you to give a back up to the lies is not a good friend. Avoid such person

SELFISHNESS:
There are relationships where you discover that one person does all the giving while the other does all the taking. While one makes all the sacrifices to keep the relationship, the other only makes demand. One person does all the caring, visiting, giving, and caring while the doesn't care. Such is one-sided, selfish relationship. A good relationship is one in which were both parties are ready to make sacrifices and compromises for the comfort of the other. Are you being used in this relationship? Think fast.

STRUGGLES:
You don't struggle to keep a relationship. When you're struggling to get the attention of the other or to please the other without any willing response from him/her, then you may be in the wrong place. You do not to be what you're not in order to make a relationship work.

UNGODLINESS:
Any relationship in which you're required or compelled to do evil in order to foster the relationship is a bad one. For example, if you're required to have sex in order to show how much you love the order, then the relationship is ungodly. Some may require you to tell lies, steal or even manipulate other people in order to please your partner. Simply break that relationship.

UNFORGIVING:
Any one who likes to keep and remind you of your past mistakes and offenses will kill your future. Such persons refuse to give you another chance to overcome your failures. They tie you to your weaknesses and expect you cannot overcome your limitations with them. They expect you to pay for any offense you commit against them even though the claim to be friends. You have to seek their face and beg before are forgiven. Break such relationship.

IMPOTENCE:
By impotence, I mean people who are not productive in their life. The have no dreams to pursue and they have no good thing to contribute to your life. Such people hang on to your life with the tag of schoolmates, family friends or childhood friends. They hang on to you because of the things the will get from you. Anytime, anywhere, anyhow, such people will always make demands on you. They have no relevance to your dreams. Some of them come around and only consume your time while some use you to boost their ego. Do measure the worth of any relationship by its contribution to you chief goals.

RESISTANCE:
Some relationship come as assignment to you. It is such ones that your gift or potentials are exercised. You may be required to effect a change in the other. But when the other is resistant to positive change, after all that you have done to overcome their weakness, quit the relationship. Such people resist your efforts to help them. Sometime they avoid you and later surface again. Such a relationship should be broken because they will only frustrate your time and energy; they friends with bad habits or characters.

In conclusion, it is time to asses your relationships. Its your choice to make. Your destiny is in your hands. There are some relationships that are distractions to your dreams. For example, if you are a spinster, and there are men who hang around you without any good motive. Your ability to identify such men and stay away from them will determine how fast you move towards your dream. If you know that you are not ready for marriage, do not commit your life, emotions, desires and ambition to someone else. Some ladies accept proposal for marriage from men who do not have any work, some of such men still depend on their father's pocket money. Some men are not sure of what they want, Any fair girl is good for them. If you are involved with such men, then it is time to break such relationship. If you don't break it now, it will break you tomorrow. Accept the pain now as a price for your joy tomorrow.


    

Increasing Love

Do you really love your spouse? Do you demonstrate a strong feeling of deep affection for your spouse? Is your love growing with the years? These questions seems totally unnecessary but are well worth considering. You'll agree with me that there are a lot of articles out there on how to show love to your spouse, but it is a daunting task to find just one article that seeks to help or gives clear and accurate details on how to turn a problematic relationship to a romantic one. Hence this article is one in a million and deserves your undivided attention. You can show love to your spouse  in the following ways.

Give generously and  always
 Give a lot of thought to your spouse, attend to him or, give a listening ear, give a helping hand, give a consoling bosom, give a kind word, give your attention and affection. Support her at home, help with the baby, help in the kitchen, and help with the house chores as occasion demands. As man, provide adequately for your spouse while the woman should also support in some ways. Never allow anybody to molest your spouse in your presence, either physically or emotionally.

Care for your spouse
Great care is needed when dealing with your spouse. It is your primary responsibility to attend to the needs of your spouse. How much do you share house work and the care of the children? You must do something for your mate, just to please not to as a duty but to show care. You won't come to any harm while you relieve him or her of his/her burden.

Maintain  friendly relationship with your spouse
Let a friendly atmosphere prevail in your relationship. Never remove friendship from your relationship. Go ahead to connect with each other, let there be bonding and  intimacy. Spending quality time together, building friendship, being vulnerable to each other, lighting all dark rooms, hence making the two hearts beat together as one. If you truly love your spouse, the together everything you think is good for each other.

Talk to your spouse intimately and always
 Speech is the fastest and most effective method of communication between people. All channels of communication  between you and your mate must be kept open. Good communication is what makes relationships possible. One good way to show love is taking pleasure talking with him or her. Talk intimately; talk heart to heart with love and understanding. Talk about each other,  your plans,  your jobs. Talk everywhere you are; talk every time, any, anyhow, and whenever you are together. Give a call to each other when apart, and always keep in touch wither each other. Real lovers talk to each other always.

Forgive yourself and your spouse
Learn to stop feeling angry with yourself for offense committed against your spouse if she has forgiven has forgiven you. Hurting and offending each other is something that is inevitable in human relationship. Those involved in a relation should learn to forgive each other. Forgiveness is a very good sign of love. It's about time you stopped  feeling angry with your spouse for whatever they have done to you and to behave as if it had not happened. Eliminate malice, resentment, bitterness, hatred, strife and the like from the relationship.

I strongly believe that any one who follows the instructions laid out in this article will discover an ultimate fulfillment in their relationship. It's time to seek love for your spouse afresh. It's time to appreciate your spouse. Love is indispensable in any relationship. No relationship will survive if love is absent. Love is one of the greatest forces of good on earth.

Qualities Of An Ideal Husband

  Every woman expects the best  from her husband. She needs a husband who is capable of playing the role expected of him in the family. He must assume overall responsibility for his wife and children. To fulfill the desire and expectation of his wife, he should learn and demonstrate the following qualities.

Considerate
 He should be genuinely  interested in his wife's overall welfare. He ought to consider of her wishes and feelings. Be careful not to hurt or upset her. Always be polite and considerate towards her.

Reliability
Nowadays most, wives are looking for someone they can trust- a husband they can rely on. Hence a husband's choice of words or actions should not cast doubts on his motives and reliability.

Realistic
 An ideal husband accepts and deals with a situation as it really is and does not try to pretend that it is different. He knows it is not realistic to expect people to change overnight. While dealing with his wife, he should accept in a sensible way what it is actually possible to do or achieve in a particular situation. He feels and shows love and affection for his wife. He is kind, helpful and shows that he cares about her and her children. He's a very caring person. He's ready to help at all times. He's a very loving person. He reveals this by the way he gazes lovingly at his wife or children.

Pleasing
There's just no pleasing some people. It is true you can't make everybody happy. Indeed some people are impossible to please. Notwithstanding do everything you can to please your wife. Endeavour to make the marriage a pleasurable experience. Let her feel happy and satisfied in the relationship. Always be ready to please her in all things.

Patience
 Needless to say patience is one of the fine personal qualities that most people admire. All too often we are unable to wait for a long time or accept annoying behaviour or difficulty without becoming angry. It takes time and patience to nurture a good working relationship. Be patient with her even if she offends. It requires patience and understanding to create a loving and lasting relationship. You'll just have to patiently study her conduct, lifestyle, habits and make adjustments where necessary.

Studious and Knowledgeable
 It is important to be very knowledgeable about life and events in the world. Apart from having specialized knowledge or skill he needs also to have knowledge of facts about a lot of different subjects to remain relevant- at least to keep pace with the changing times we live in. Hence he knows the best decision to take on behalf of the family.

Diligence
He must show great diligence in his work. He exercises all reasonable diligence to realize his full potential. He puts a lot effort in his job and does it well. He's not diletante worker who is not serious about his work and does not have much knowledge about it.

Cheerfulness
Let an atmosphere of happiness prevail in all your relationships. Christmas and New Year are not the only time of good cheer. Always give hope, comfort and encouragement to your wife. When you're apart from each other, giver her a call; perhaps she needs cheering up. Send her a chatty, cheerful letter. You should also be cheerful, and show it by the way that you behave. Learn to avoid violent mood swings- moody people are difficult to deal with.

Generosity
 He treats his wife with generosity and thoughtfulness. He is kind in the way he treats her. He is willing to see what is good about her. He willingly gives her money, help, gifts, time and kindness freely. He's always willing to give or share things with her.

Prayerful
 He values prayer. He speaks to God always, especially to give thanks or ask for help. Prayers changes things; it also helps sustain positive things and even makes them better. Prayer takes the heat off your marriage and moves God to act on your behalf. Hence be prayerful, respecting and honouring God  and leading other members of the family in the same.

Appreciation
He feels and shows that he is very appreciative of his wife's effort. He recognizes and enjoys the good qualities of the wife. As often as not, his appreciative smile, laughter and comments stimulates her to become responsive and receptive. Learn to say nice things such as "Thank you'', ''I appreciate you", 'You're one in a million'', ''God bless you'', etc. Never treat her like a second class citizen.

Commitment
Achieving lasting success in marital relationship requires commitment of time and effort. Men very often have to juggle work with their family commitment. Be faithful and committed to the marriage vows for life, living and cleaving to your wife only.

Communication
The ability to communicate is truly a precious gift. Learn to communicate effectively. An ideal husband  is wise in communication. He listens with interest when his wife speaks  and does not dominate conversations. Many people will over-look a mispronounced word or a slip in grammar but they will not warm to someone who wants to talk but not listen. Show understanding in conversation and be available to hear her discussions.

Forgiveness
 An ideal husband is filled with forgiving spirit and not retaliating or revengeful. He shows willingness to forgive. He does not stop feeling angry with his wife who has done something to him, annoy or upset him but also stop feeling angry with himself. He is also humble to admit his faults and apologize when necessary.

   Let me just make a few concluding remarks. When you clearly understand your past mistakes in this new light, you will not have to repeat them. As you read and apply the suggestions given above, gradually you will notice remarkable improvement in your relationship. Even if  frequent conflicts have sapped the joy in your relationship, you will experience a new dawn. Gradually things that never made sense will start to make sense. By successfully understanding and implementing these suggestions, you too will find true and lasting love.

Divorce Is Not The Answer

  Perfection does not exist. No couple is immune to problems. The question is, what can be done to save a troubled marriage? Maybe your spouse has betrayed your trust or frequent conflicts has sapped the joy from your marriage. Even if your marriage is characterized by frequent arguing, separation does not always end life's anxieties.

  Marriage should be viewed as a permanent bond. Do not make a hasty decision to end your marriage, think carefully before you act. It is very important to be fully informed and approach the question of separation realistically.

  Nevertheless, separation and remarriage maybe considered on the grounds of sexual relations outside marriage. Though you have the right to terminate the marriage in such circumstances, you would do well to give serious thought to the consequences.

  No one should impose their views on you. In the end , you are the one who will live with the consequences of your decision; therefore you are the one who must decide. Unless you want to accept other people opinion to be your reality.

  In certain circumstances such as the one under consideration, it is difficult to honour one's commitments. Before making a hasty decision to end your marriage, consider the following important issues.

  Some couples who get a divorce never remarry and have a second marriage.  A person whose marriage has been legally ended usually experience a wide range of emotions. Even after several years, they will feel confused. One the one hand, they may recall many happy moments from their marriage. On the other hand, they may have lingering feeling of anger  and hatred over the ways in which their spouse treated them. This sweet-bitter memory may linger for several years after divorce. Separation may have a long-time effect on you.

  The problem of finances, needless to say, is one of the important issues worthy of consideration before getting a divorce. Separation often deals a devastating blow to women. It is usually very difficult for a lone mother to care for the children, find a job as well as deal with the emotional agony of separation. Separation May Put a Severe Strain on Your Finances

  All to often children are the really casualties when a married couple separates. Even if Mom and Dad have frequent conflicts, it seems, children are relatively content as long as the family is together. After divorce , most children find it difficult to get along with both parents. They may feel got in the middle. Separation could have a devastating effect on your children, especially if they do not have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse. In addition, creating a working relationship with your spouse ex-spouse is often difficult. It is not always easy to negotiate with your ex on issues regarding visitation, financial support and so on.

  If your marriage seems fragile and its collapse seems imminent, try the following suggestions. First of all off you need to identify the problem areas. Try to identify the immediate and remote causes of the present problem. Find out precisely what has interfered with your marriage.

  Having identified the problem areas, find a satisfactory solution. When both you and your mate work together to restore peace to your marriage, the problem is easily solved.

  Even if your efforts seem futile, do not give up. I encourage you and your spouse to be forgiving. Be kind and freely forgive each other. Do not be bitterly angry with each other. Hey, divorce is not the answer! Forgive and forget.